I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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