if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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