i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
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