Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
