I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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