then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
he just fucked me for my cheese..
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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