Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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