In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize