she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
