Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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