and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
