apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
