can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Boobs are out for the taking
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize