we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
