I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
