Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
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