Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
