"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
