We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Oh god it's open bar.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
