having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize