you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
