there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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