Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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