I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
