well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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