I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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