I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
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