She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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