i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
