All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
