I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Randomize