My nipple is on Facebook.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
