Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
