Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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