So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Randomize
