i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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