i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
