I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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