Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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