so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize