Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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