I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
