are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
