i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
