i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
