Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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