Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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