There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
