so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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