Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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