Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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