This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
