We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize