sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
