He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
it was like eating out sand paper
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
