Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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