It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
