hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
