She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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