Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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