I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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