im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
