There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
