no, he came in my armpit
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
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