I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize