I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize