This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize